Shades of Purple

For the first time in 4 years I am in Sabah during the Christmas season. It feels quite good but I guess being at different places does not make much difference to me anymore. Christmas is still Christmas wherever we go although the mood and celebration are not quite the same. Last year I had a memorable Christmas with my friends. Eventhough we were far from our families, we found "family" in each other. We had Advent retreat, carollings, Christmas parties and go for masses together. It was fun and despite our ups and downs, the spirit of Christmas was there to help us bond.

This year I have the privilege of  celebrating Christmas with my parents and siblings. There are no carollings, retreats, or parties for me this year but it is a good thing to know that my family is going to celebrate together without a missing member. Reflecting upon this, I can’t help getting the feeling that it’s God’s will that enables us to come together this Christmas since next year my sister who had just finished her SPM would probably be furthering her studies elsewhere; and who knows where my brother and I would be next year.

Yesterday my parents dropped by at my place in KK and I followed them to my aunt’s house before going shopping in the evening. Initially I was planning to go for confession in the afternoon but it turns out i got the wrong time info and I couldn’t make it for the next session at 6.30pm. This made me wonder if it is okay not to be able to go for confession especially during this advent season. The funny thing is i couldn’t think of sins to confess of when i was on my way to confession (not that i did not commit any sins, i just couldn’t remember) but when i couldn’t make it I started to feel guilty for not being able to go for confession. Funny it seems but shouldn’t i feel guilty about my sins rather than not being able to make it for confession? Come to think of it, do I think of confession as a compulsory routine before Christmas that I have to feel guilty for not making it? A question to reflect and ponder upon..

This year has been all about changes and turning points - writing a thesis and presenting in a symposium, experiencing a hospital working environment during practical, graduating, working full-time and part-time, being jobless (haha), going for interviews and getting a job in a new environment, moving out and moving in, meeting new people and experiencing new things. It hasn’t been all smooth sailing. There were moments of uncertainties, disappointments, and a lot other indescribable feelings. However, I thank God for where I am today and for the faith He has blessed my family with. I thank Him for the gift of support from relatives and friends and for the time I had been able to share with loved ones whom I rarely had time to spend with. I had not been great all the year through but I tried my best and although my best is sometimes probably not enough, I hope I let God help me do the right things.

As for Christmas, it teaches me another new meaning this year.

I went to Gaya street last night with my parents and sister. There happened to be a fair in Gaya Street and an inter-church christmas celebration. We browsed through all the stalls and happened to pass by a booth set up by the youths organizing Sabah Youth Day 2. I stopped my mom and went through the crowds to get my dad and my sister. We went to the booth and, although we couldn’t help much, bought two notebooks that they were selling for their fund-raising. It felt good that although I probably couldn’t join SYD-2, I could play a little part in contributing for the event. There were also groups of choir singing Christmas carols, dancers and musicians, etc. I wasn’t there from beginning til end but nevertheless I slowly began to feel the mood of Christmas season, which dawns a bit late for me this year. Just hearing people greeting you "Merry Christmas!" in a friendly way reminds me that Christmas can be beautiful no matter where you are. Oh yes, it is beautiful because Jesus is the Reason of the Season.